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Flirty vs. Friendly

Flirty vs. Friendly

I’m used to anyone coming up to me and striking up a conversation whether it may be about the DJ playing, my outfit, or rave life in general. In fact, I love it when people come up to talk to me because that means I have a friendly aura. On the flip side, there’s also the chance that a guy comes up to me because he thinks I’m single and wants to flirt with me. I’ve had some pretty weird experiences with guys hitting on me at events, but one of the weirdest moments was at San Jose State’s Jack Yo Lantern. I was dancing and having a good time when a guy came up to me, took my hand, and said that I looked good in my outfit. Figuring it’s just a friendly remark I thanked him, but then he told me to copy what he was doing. His weird hip thrusting and arm motions in the air was a little to much for me, so I just started laughing and lightly nudged him away. He then asked why I didn’t want to dance with him and I pointed to my boyfriend. He backed off, but I overheard him telling my boyfriend, “If that’s your girl, if that’s really your girl, I wanna see you tear that ass up.” To be honest, I was a little freaked out; who even says stuff like that?!

Once we got home my boyfriend told me that he was upset that I was supposedly ‘flirting’ with another guy right in front of him. At first I was legitimately surprised by his accusation, but then I realized that he doesn’t know what we’re talking about. All my boyfriend sees is his girlfriend and another guy talking, hand contact, and the weird dance movements. Of course he’s going to think something is up, he’s a guy. Then my boyfriend continued saying how it bothered him that I flirted with other guys even while I was standing next to him.

Now, hold up. I’ve ALWAYS talked to random people at events! Just because I’m talking to a guy doesn’t mean I’m flirting with him! I can understand how difficult it is to distinguish between flirting or being friendly at a rave because everyone is so damn friendly all the time, but that’s what I also love about raves: we’re naturally friendly people and want to give out the good vibes to others as well.

So how can we really distinguish the difference between flirting and being friendly at a rave?

rave friends meet again at Crush SF

Ran into an old friend at Crush SF! Met this cool cat at Beyond Wonderland (NorCal 2013) and have been running into him at events ever since! Whoever said talking to strangers was bad is wrong! They make great friends too emoji

One solution: Stop assuming everyone is flirting with you. It’s not being conceited if you think someone is flirting with you at an event, but if you keep thinking that the entire world is hitting on you at a rave, you’re in the wrong place. A rave is a place where you’re surrounded by friends that you haven’t met yet. Ravers, being some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, are ALWAYS more than happy to meet new people! In the raving world we’re all about PLUR and therefore are comfortable with being ourselves around strangers without having the need to worry about being judged. That’s why I’m not afraid to go up to anyone and strike up a conversation with anybody, not just boys! I like to pay girls compliments on their outfits whether it may be cute or creative or if someone is feeling the same vibe from me during a certain artist I give them a high five. These small gestures could indicate flirting for others, but 90% of the time IT’S NOT FLIRTING.

rave girls connecting over festival fashion

Met this pretty unicorn at POPNYE 2014 and had to run up to tell her how pretty she looked

A second solution: if you’re genuinely interested in someone that you’ve met at a rave, make sure to grab their info and hit them up afterwards for a cup of coffee; just do something outside of a rave without the worry that the other person is intoxicated. A rave is a place where people come and express who they really are, but sometimes that doesn’t correlate to how they really are in real life as well. Once I met a guy at a rave who seemed interested in me; we danced, talked a bit, and exchanged numbers. So once we met outside of a rave and got to know him a little better, I began to like him a lot. But here’s the catch: his girlfriend of 5-years broke up with him a couple months ago and he started raving to try to get over that. After a series of drama and him eventually reuniting with his ex, I vowed to never date a guy I met at a rave ever again. This isn’t always the case though! I’ve met plenty of rave couples that met at a rave and have healthy relationships, props to you guys! It’s possible to meet the love of your life at an event, but the real test is when you’re outside of an event.

Again, there isn’t anything wrong with flirting, just don’t go overboard where the other person could consider it harassment. I admit that I’m not very good at noticing when someone is flirting with me or not, but how else do we make friends at events? Compliments! Compliments are how we meet on another whether it may be because of our taste in music, outfits, or kandi.

funny rave meme

There isn’t a definite way to pinpoint whether or not someone is flirting or being friendly with you at an event. The only way you will know is by asking the person or just going with the flow. Remember: don’t take everything so seriously at events. Let loose and have fun meeting great people! Even if someone was flirting with you, take it as a compliment, who doesn’t like getting compliments?!


Stephanie Quiambao
Living life like a breeze in the Bay Area, sharing the love to my fellow ravers

TAGS: Stephanie Quiambao, Flirty, Friendly, Good Vibes, JackYoLantern, music,



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